“Follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness.” — Allen Ginsberg
Do you follow Ginsberg’s advice — in your writing and/or in your everyday life?
No. I was raised in a household where you didn’t talk about your feelings let alone show them. We still don’t. It makes it kind of awkward some days. It’s even more weird now that I’ve been on my own for over ten years. By hiding my feelings, I’ve been hiding myself. I’ve been struggling in my writing because I’ve been holding in the madness. I’ve been trying to write what I think will fit instead of what is in my head. I’ve been conforming instead of being.
The madness kind of builds on itself. You hold it in for so long and the feelings need to go somewhere, right? I’m trying to break the cycle in my home. I make my kids tell me how they are feeling. “You’re mad at mommy, aren’t you?”, “Are you sad right now?” or “That makes me so happy!” We say lots of things that would have been shocking when I was growing up.
My writing will be better now as I begin a journey toward where I am supposed to go. And you’re going to love the madness I unleash.